daverea.com

It seems Starbucks (or, in the manner of my profanity-spewing cartoon friend Foamy, Starschmucks), in addition to being in the burnt-tasting coffee and overpriced confections business, has also decided to dip a finger or two into the survivalism and emergency-preparedness pudding. While, um, not patronizing their Jefferson Road establishment a week or so ago, I noticed a brochure above the 12 different kinds of sugar and creamer that blared “Be Prepared!” in recognition of October’s status as National Emergency Preparedness Month.

So I snagged a copy, awaiting the laughable tidbits of preparedness wisdom that would surely be portrayed inside. I was surprised to find a very Tom-Ridge-esque recommendation to keep a stock of plastic sheeting and duct tape on hand. The rest of the stuff was pretty standard fare – food, batteries, water, first-aid kit. Bla bla bla.

There were some notable omissions, however! Topping the list was the conspicuous absence of feminine hygeine products – generally a good thing to recommend to your feminist customers who wouldn’t know emergency-preparedness if it bit them in the face. I was also amused that coffee wasn’t on the list – we all know how cranky a Starbucks addict can get without their daily vente mochachinolattethingy.

I guess I just find the whole charade amusing on a few different levels. For one thing, you’ve got a decidedly left-leaning business, patronized by a predominantly leftist clientelle, pushing emergency preparedness while their political talking heads take a “move along, no need to be concerned, nothing to see here!” attitude when it comes to our safety. On another level, you’ve got a coffee business dispensing survival information, which is just wrong on so many levels. But I think most importantly of all, the tagline on the cover – “Be Prepared – It’s an easy way to ease your mind” – is just downright deceptive…

You want to be truly “prepared”? Wanna “ease your mind” when it comes to the idea of surviving in a rough-and-tumble, disaster-stricken America? Better go a lot farther than your local Starbucks. Take your readiness to the same level that you take your coffee elitism!