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This weekend “by the numbers”…

Saturday, 5:30PM :: Enjoy a delicious dinner with your lovely fiancee at your favorite hole-in-the-wall Chinese food joint, Ming Noodle.
Saturday, 7:00PM :: Drop off your lovely fiancee at work, and head to the mall to retrieve her birthday gifts. Thought I had this all planned out … pick out exactly what to buy on various stores’ web sites, wait until the day prior to make the purchases, and thus avoid the need for gift hiding and excessive vagueity in pre-birthday gift-related conversations. Unfortunately, the plan went sour: none of the items I picked out were stocked in any of the stores.

Saturday, 8:30PM :: Panic.
Saturday, 8:45PM :: Think reeeeealy hard. Formulate plan B.
Saturday, 9:00PM :: Purchase requisite items for execution of plan B (see below).

Saturday, 9:30PM :: Arrive home, and (like a dumbass) spend three hours dicking around on the computer trying to find good wedding songs. OK, so I guess that’s not technically dicking around, since (a) I was looking for wedding music and (b) I found a good song. Get off my case, mmmkay?

Sunday, 12:30AM :: Initiate project number 1: Installation of under-cabinet halogen kitchen lighting and digital dimmer switch.
Sunday, 12:40AM :: Successfully remove old fixture (what genius thought to use 5″ machine screws the hold that damn thing in?!) and discover (using your handy Voltalert, not your finger) that there is hot wiring in the box along with the switched wiring.
Sunday, 12:45AM :: Attempt to determine which circuit breaker cuts off this branch of wiring by plugging an extension cord into nearby outlets, then running it into the basement and hooking on a flourescent utility light while flicking breakers. When this is unsuccessful, move on to watching for overhead lights and listening for the garbage disposal to cut out upstairs, hoping these share a breaker with the over-the-sink lamp.
Sunday, 1:35AM :: Decide you really need one of those 120VAC-tolerant fox-and-hound toners that you use to find a live circuit breaker from a transmitter at the termination point. Resolve to ask for one for your birthday. Start flicking breakers one-by-one (running up and down stairs each time) until you find the one that kills the circuit you’re after. Realize that, in all your breaker-flipping, you’ve rebooted your Internet routing server about 4 times.
Sunday, 3:30AM :: After finishing installation of all the lights and running the wires, attempt to install the digital dimmer. But the wiring is all wrong. Swear a lot, loudly, when you realize that some [insert your preferred expletive here] at the store decided to swap out a remote dimmer with a master dimmer to save $4. Resolve to return to Lowe’s tomorrow to get the right dimmer.
Sunday, 4:00AM :: Finish installing a different (and much less cool) sliding dimmer switch and try out your new masterpiece. It looks beautiful! Now, you get to clean up the kitchen and put all the stuff back into the cabinets that you just took out.
Sunday, 5:00AM :: Go wild with some Formula 409 and the Swiffer. Not at the same time, of course. That’s just unnatural.

Sunday, 5:30AM :: Initiate project number 2: install two sets of hooks on the upstairs bedroom and bathroom doors. Realize that the doors are hollow and that you’re gonna need to use anchors.
Sunday, 5:45AM :: Retrieve birthday card from briefcase – thank goodness I got that out of the way earlier in the week!
Sunday, 6:30AM :: Last minute spot-cleaning and gift-wrapping. Is breakfast good-to-go?
Sunday, 6:45AM :: Clean cat litter box. She’s been a patient feline, helping out with the projects where possible, so she deserves a little attention.

Sunday, 7:00AM :: Express Norman Rockwell-like satisfaction at your server’s ability to right itself after multiple operator-induced power-outages. Write about the whole shebang in your weblog, then head out the door to pick up your lovely fiancee!